"I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate." - ROMANS 7:15 (NLT)
Paul's lament in Romans 7:15 brings some relief to me, as I think of him. The apostle Paul, confronted by Jesus Himself on the road to Damascus, radically and suddenly converted on the spot. If he could write about such struggles, surely a weakling such as myself shares in his difficulty.
My main struggle at present is with consistency, or the lack thereof. I have been eating anything and everything I want, with gusto, whenever I feel like it. That's not OK. Accompanying this carboholic rut is the lack of discipline about making and sticking to a running schedule. Foolishness that. I was well on my way to becoming a real runner, possibly even a thin one.
I ran a 5K on 9/10. Here I am on 10/12, barely a month later, eating like my old self and losing my running mojo with each passing week of hardly exercising. All that effort and ground gained, slowly slipping away. Loss of focus makes all things fuzzy does it not?
It would be easy to blame this turn of events on my return to work, or the crazy nature of our household commitments, but in good conscience I cannot do this. I am always trumpeting the promise of Philippians 4:13 (I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength.) so I can't go blaming my own laziness and lack of self-control on anything but myself. As Joyce Meyer says, " If you can't take authority over a piece of pie, how are you going to resist the devil?" God has already equipped me to make the changes needed. I just need to stop being stubborn and self-reliant.
If I am to be the Temple of the Holy Spirit, I certainly can't sit idly by tossing pumpkin spice mini cookies down my gullet and lament about my current condition. I hate it while I am doing it, even though it tastes great. Then I roam around a short time later, rustling through cupboards in the hopes of trying something else to sate my sweet tooth. I know it is wrong. I know it is not beneficial. Yet I do it. Just like Paul.
So here I am keeping myself honest by saying a few things about what will happen before I write again to my blogosphere world.
1. I will pack my lunch for work every day. It will include healthy things and no junk. I will then actually EAT said lunch instead of whatever junk I come across.
2. I will run 2-3x per week (no excuses!) and walk at least 1-2x per week (even if a short stroll).
3. I will ask God for help instead of relying on my own strength to eat right and exercise.
4. I will go up into the attic and find some smaller clothes to use as a visual goal for getting back on track.
I am still seeking change, though this change is peculiar. It is change back to the change I had accomplished before I changed back to my old ways. A circular plot if you will. I'm kind of done with my circular ways and am moving forward in a straight line.
Enough rambling. Time to peel some carrots.